The Bob Bernotas Jazz Disc Jockey Entrance Exam

1. A band made up of banjo, bagpipes, accordion, and berimbau would be
a. a multicultural quartet
b. a World Music ensemble
c. cruel and unusual punishment

2. Which of the following has never produced a jazz musician known for innovation, artistic integrity, good taste, and a solid sense of swing?
a. Germany
b. college
c. Ellis Marsalis
d. all of the above

3. The lyrics to "God Bless the Child" were written by
a. Billie Holiday
b. David Clayton-Thomas
c. Sarah Palin

4. The composer of "Bird Gets the Worm" is
a. Bill Crow
b. Gary Peacock
c. Steve Swallow
d. None of the above; no jazz musician would write a song with a dumb title like "Bird Gets the Worm."

5. The Sauter-Finnegan orchestra was led by
a. a talented arranger with a hyphenated last name
b. two talented arrangers
c. two talented arrangers too many

6. The "Oscar Peterson of Canada" is jazz pianist
a. Oliver Jones
b. Paul Bley
c. Renee Rosnes
d. Oscar Peterson

7. If Wynton Marsalis left Jazz at Lincoln Center it would mean
a. the death of jazz as we know it
b. the death of jazz as he knows it
c. there is a god

8. The best way an ambitious, yet at best modestly talented, female jazz singer can boost her career is to
a. get a multi-album deal with a major record label
b. marry Elvis Costello
c. pose in a skanky costume on her latest album cover that stupid Facebook posters will think is "empowering"
d. none of the above (one only can hope)

9. According to Mort Sahl, which of the following "once wrote irrelevant jazz articles and then went on to write bad political articles?"
a. Nat Hentoff
b. Amiri Baraka
c. Stanley Crouch
d. Bob Bernotas (Hey, how'd that get in here?)

10. The most underrated musician in the history of jazz is
a. every trombonist
b. all of the above

FINAL QUESTION (Get it wrong and you automatically fail, no matter how you did on the rest of the exam): Pronounce "Duvivier."

Bob Bernotas, 2012. All rights reserved.

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